Songs of my soul
by BIFF1
Summary: a series of songfics revolving around Jerome's feelings for Mara, Alfie and himself.
1. blackhole

A/N: Done for the Character and Band Challenge. Song _Supermassive Blackhole _ by Muse

**blackhole**

_'Ooh baby, don't you know I suffer? Ooh, baby, can't you hear me mourn? You caught me under false pretences, how long before you let me go?' _Jerome sang under his breath as he walked into the school, it was a Sunday so no one was around. You may be asking why would Jerome of all people would be in the school on a Sunday when he could have been asleep.

The reason was plastered all over the walls.

Mara Jaffray. She was the only person who could get him up this early when there was no money involved.

The campaign posters still covered the walls and they were driving him crazy. A not so subtle reminder of how close he had been to Mara and how far away from him she was now.

_'Ooh ooh ahh, you set my soul alight, Ooh ooh ahh, you set...my soul...'_

He put a hand on the nearest poster feeling the slickness of the glossy paper he had used. He glared at her image, she was so naive, she had no idea why he had been upset with her. She was so blinded by her infatuation with Mick that no one else seemed to exist.

He hated Mick and he wanted to hate her.

_'I thought i was a fool for no one' _Jerome sang slowly and the words came out bitter and sharp as he slid his hand down the old campaign poster, _'but ooh, baby, I'm a fool for you...'_ he sighed ripping it cleanly off the wall and tossing the offending paper into the nearest rubbish bin.

_'Ooh ooh ahh, you set my soul alight...' _He sang tapping his fingers to the beat as he slid them along the wall ripping down every poster that bore his unrequited loves image.

Unrequited... he shouldn't have those feelings, he was Jerome Clark for god sakes girls were supposed to have unrequited love for him. He sighed heavily ripping another poster down.

He looked at the poster in his hands, holding it so tightly it wrinkled the paper. He wanted to hate her. Hate her for ignoring him, hate her for making him think she cared about him, hate her for confiding in her, hate her for wanting Mick. He started to slowly rip the poster, the rip crept slowly towards Mara, just as he was milometers away from ripping her image he stopped and threw the paper into the bin.

He hated himself far more than he could ever hate Mara. He let his guard down, he genuinely thought that she cared about him in a more romantic way than she obviously did, she made him a better person, she brought out the shinning beautiful humane qualities he had never known he had possessed.

He hated it. He felt awful and now Alfie was always hanging around with Nina, Fabian, Patrica and Amber. Amber was understandable, he knew Alfie's feelings for the blonde and Patrica was usually fun to be around but Nina and Fabian? It didn't feel right, there was something going on there and he wasn't being involved.

He didn't have Mara, he didn't have Alfie or Patrica. He had no one now. It felt empty and angry, a couple of months ago Alfie went no where unless it was with him and now he was being blown off by everyone.

It felt like he was being sucked in by _'a supermassive blackhole...'_

If h didn't have Mara then he as reclaim Alfie even if he had to join their little group.

He stood at the opposite end of the hall and looked down where he had started, the walls were bare, no more Mara staring at him reminding him that he _loved_ her and she _loved_ Mick, no longer staring at him forcing him to do the right thing.


	2. so lonely

A/N: Song _ So Lonely _by The Police

**so lonely**

Alfie closed the door behind him, he was floating and desperately happy. It sickened Jerome much more than he would have liked. He sat on his bed untying his bow tie, his eyes fixed angrily on Alfie's sappy face.

"What?" Alfie asked cocking an eyebrow and shrugging out of his jacket.

Jerome leapt off the bed and threw his fist into Alfie's stomach.

Alfie crumpled and fell to the floor, "What the hell!" he gasped from the ground.

"I thought you were dying." Jerome didn't yell, he very rarely did, instead his voice got this steely edge to it only this tine there was something else hidden in the sharp quiet words. Fear. Alfie coughed and with one hand around his middle he pushed himself back into a standing position.

Alfie widened his stance and moved his arm to hit Jerome but the look on his friends face seemed to freeze time.

He looked devastated, his mouth a painful white line, holding something in, his eyes had suddenly become rimmed in that tell tale red.

"Jerome?"

"You're not allowed to die..." he whispered looking everywhere but at Alfie.

He may have used Alfie as a lacky and a scapegoat on more than one occasion but the boy was all he really had. Anubis house was his only home and Alfie his only family. And for a brief moment tonight all the fear and sadness of being left here so many years ago had suddenly come flooding back.

_now no one's knocked upon my door_

_for a thousand years or more_

"Jerome..." Alfie had no idea what to say, he had never really been told what had happened with his parents but he was able to guess by the way his parent's treated him on the rare occasion that he had seen them. He knew that there was probably one thing in the world that scared Jerome more than Rufus and that was being alone.

"don't leave..." Jerome's hand flew to cover his mouth trying to keep all his embarrassing little fears hidden deep down inside.

"I won't." Alfie's voice was far more certain then he felt, he would never leave Jerome he knew that, Jerome was his family, he didn't have to pretend around him. He loved the blonde troublemaker.

Jerome looked up at Alfie surprised in how calm and understanding he was being, considering he had punched him in the stomach. He was even more surprised when Alfie pulled him against his body.

Holding him roughly, hugging the scared boy. Jerome let himself be comforted, now that Mara was firmly with Mick, Alfie was all he had. After a very long couple of minutes Jerome pushed himself away from his friend, turning quickly away from him, rubbing his eyes to make sure no tears had escaped.

When he turned around to look at Alfie he looked like he always did, elegantly messy, confident and a little devilish. It was if nothing had happened at all.

_all made up and nowhere to go_

"So didn't I tell you that this was the term you'd finally get Amber?"

Alfie laughed as he walked over to his bed and sat down, "Are you going to try and tell me that you made that happen?"

"Well I did make you her prom saving hero."

Alfie had his shirt pulled up over his head tiredly trying to wriggle out of it, "You stole Amber's dress because you thought it was funny, not so I could play hero." He wriggled desperately, stuck inside his shirt, "a little help?"

Jerome laughed softly at the scene before he got up and crossed the room to Alfie's bed, he grabbed a hold of the cotton prison and with one foot on the bed beside Alfie he pulled back.

Jerome flew across the room with the shirt and Alfie flung back onto his bed. They both burst out aughing. Alfie pushed himself up in the bed and saw Jerome on the floor in the middle of the room holding the shirt up as if he had just won a prize and wanted everyone to see it. The shirt and Jerome were shaking with laughter.

Alfie was always a little amazed by Jerome, he was his best friend, they were blood brothers but even he only saw small glimpses of how Jerome really felt. Jerome hid himself so well, after years of having no one really care he had obviously thought it easier to just not give people the option of not caring.

_Welcome to this one man show_

_just take a seat they're always free_

"So how was you're night? I saw you dancing with quite a few lovely ladies." Alfie smiled and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Jerome's laughter died quickly, he had only wanted to dance with one girl, "I guess so." He had spent the night dancing with any girl who looked like she wanted him to. He pulled himself up onto his bed and started to unbutton his shirt. He could tell that he had a disappointed look on his face but he was tired and now there was no point in hiding from Alfie. There was one person in the world who cared about him and he was sitting quietly on the other side of the room.

_no surprise no mystery_

"Can we talk tomorrow I'm really tied, what with all the girls and the almost dieing." Jerome pulled off his jacket and shirt and let them fall into a pile next to his bed and without bothering to do much else he got into bed and turned the light out.

"Of course." Alfie's quiet voice floated sadly through the dark.

"You can tell me all about your magical night with Amber in the morning." Jerome could tell that that was what Alfie needed to hear because after that he heard the sounds of his roommate climb into bed.

Even with Alfie's reasuring words he still felt that quiet lonely fear tighten his chest in the dark. Now that Alfie was with Amber it would be like losing him to Sibuna all over again.

_in this theatre that i call my soul_

"Good nigh Jerome."

Jerome sighed heavily wishing he hadn't said anything to Alfie about leaving him, wishing that he had never opened up to Mara only to have her turn her back on him, "Good night Alfie."

_i always play the starring role_


End file.
